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Friday, 2 March 2012

Going Out

“Want to go out tonight?”- It seems such a simple question, a good way to pass another boring evening. So you arrange the time, the meeting place, you go shopping for the pre-drinks and head upstairs to get ready. This is where things get complicated. 

From the moment you step out of the shower, the chaos breaks loose. You arrange every dress and blouse and skirt that you own over the bed, and commence the stare-down. At first it’s fun, trying on outfits and doing the runway struts up and down the length of your bedroom. 

Then the horror sets in. The terrifying realisation that you have NOTHING TO WEAR. That’s right, that vast array of clothes on your bed that could rival a branch of TK Maxx suddenly becomes completely unsuitable for any given occasion.

You weed out the dresses that are too long, too short, too baggy and too tight. You move on to the skirts that make your bum look big and the ones that just refuse to go with any blouse you own. 

Once you’ve eliminated your entire wardrobe, you know what you do? You settle. You settle for the very first dress you tried on. 

Now comes the makeup. If you’re anywhere near as clumsy as I am, you will understand why this is yet another traumatic portion of the evening. Here’s my take on this- I apply my foundation, fine. When it comes to eyeliner, I can never do both eyes evenly. Then the mascara smudges onto my eyelid so I basically look like I have two black eyes.

So after about half an hour of doing battle with what looks like the entire contents Boots’ makeup counter, you manage to mangle yourself into a vaguely acceptable state of appearance. Now you encounter what is potentially the most dangerous part of the evening- your hair.

Again, I know that not all women are clumsy like me but I’m sure even if you can’t relate, it will at least make you laugh at my misfortune. This is where you go face-to-face with the GHDs. 

Whether you’re straightening with them or curling with them, your GHDs will decide they have better things to be doing than styling your hair. Namely- burning your neck, scalp, face or any other part of your skin that dares to cross their path.

So there you have it- you’re ready to go out for the night, covered in GHD battle scars, wearing a dress you were never sure of in the first place and vaguely resembling a clown. It’s okay. Just look forward to being tagged in the Facebook photos tomorrow morning!

“Want to go out tonight?”- Maybe next time you’ll think twice…   

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